One thing that I've been trying to practice more in the past few years is being ok with discomfort. Yes, I could go out and have a beer right now, but I could also wait and see what happens if I don't. Chances are I won't explode. I might feel really, really bad. Even if I drank a beer right now I might still be cranky. And anyway, what's wrong with being cranky once in a while. A lot. Right now it sucks. It's a cold stupid Sunday night and I have to go to an 8-hour training session tomorrow. And one the day after that. And I will not have beer after either one.
For some reason I just had a memory about when my husband and I were breaking up. As you might imagine, it was a very surreal and sad time. We spent a lot of time talking, fighting, and crying. One afternoon we decided to take a break. Not call a truce or anything; we still knew more or less where we were heading. But we decided that for the length of time it took to watch The Holy Grail we would be ok. So we watched The Holy Grail and it just seemed really funny as it always did, even though there was all of this sadness and pain in the background. Watching it together, it just felt like us, without all of the crap and ridiculousness that had been building up and hiding for years. What I'm going through now is obviously much more minor (but maybe you can understand how even minor pain can trigger some major pain), but this memory seems like a reminder that there can be Monty Python even in the middle of the worst stuff. In fact, you don't even have to create Monty Python, it's just always there if you are willing to see it. Then you can go back to being sad and miserable again if you want but maybe underneath all of that there are knights who say ni.
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