Day 15: Decaf

I'm going to try to write about my alcohol-free experiences now, but please understand that my skull is currently in a vice grip.  

It's the first day I can drink alcohol, but surprisingly I don't really want to run out and drink a mimosa.  Partly it's because of this insane headache and partly because of the whole morning-drinking stigma. I may buy a six-pack when I go to the store today, but I may not. I don't feel like doing anything right now except maybe lie on the couch and watch Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore again. Maybe with the commentary.

I think the most important thing I learned about my drinking habit is that it is indeed a habit. The sadness and annoyance I felt as I watched others partaking of various spirits showed me my attachment to drinking.  The attachment is definitely emotional and psychological as opposed to physical, as I didn't really notice any physical differences when I stopped drinking.  (I did notice that I was hungrier sometimes, but I think this was more to do with my need to fill the no-booze void with snacks.) 

We were invited to dinner at the neighbors' house on Friday night. I wasn't even looking forward to it because all I could think about was the wine I wasn't going to be drinking. Sure enough, I felt mild anger/annoyance as the first bottle was opened and I was served my glass of San Pelligrino. But by the time the meal was served (and the other guests were onto the second bottle) I didn't even feel like drinking anymore. I'm not sure if I ever really feel that I need alcohol. It is almost completely influenced by what people around me are doing. I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to do with this information, but it's interesting. Because of my introverted nature, I also rely on alcohol to make me care less about what people think of me, especially when I'm in a group where I don't feel very comfortable (most groups make me feel this way, even groups of people I know well). Again, not drinking in a group is another way of experimenting with my discomfort level. Instead of reaching for the thing that gives me a sense of comfort, I can sit with the discomfort and see what happens. 

Caffeine is clearly a whole other thing. I drank decaf this morning and now I am battling some serious discomfort of the physical variety. My plan right now is to drink decaf this week and switch to herbal tea next week. 

Throughout this whole experiment, I have been drinking tons of water, to ensure that dehydration isn't a factor. Also getting enough sleep (which I almost always do).

I'm going to go stare at a wall now.